Starting off with the first story here, I want to talk about how things have been awkward between me and my mom over the past 3 days. Yes, she saw my chats. A nightmare for every teenager, you might agree. I wish I would have turned my phone off but unfortunately I forgot to do so and when I came out of the washroom, she was already working her way out through my chats with a female friend of mine. Apparently, both me and my friend have a dirty sense of humor, which might tick some people off. I had just sent her two memes, which had adult content. So, here is the deal, my mom didn’t understand the joke (because she deals with more important issues than stupid sexual innuendos) but the word ‘sex’ and ‘skirt’ were in there. That, gave me a one way ticket to my mom’s outrage.
If you think that she decided to condemn me and throw me out of the house for a full day, no it didn’t go that way. On the contrary, she started judging my friend which was very unwelcoming and I didn’t like it. In fact, I feel she is one of the most straight forward people I have ever known. So, I tried to fight for her but I almost forgot that I was the one who sent that stuff and that is where my mom decided to grill me and she said and I quote,
“Is that how you talk to girls?”
Okay, first of all, I might not be the noblest guy or the most suitable person to talk about how to respect women. And may be somewhere sending such jokes to a female was inappropriate but I do not understand what sort of protocols are to be followed when you are trying to share a good joke, if that’s possible even. Secondly, she hasn’t even checked out my porn collection yet. She doesn’t even have enough grounds how respectable and a man of culture (as my friends consider me) I am.
The point of saying all this is, I need privacy. I am 18 and I don’t want anyone stalking me and my stuff in my room when I am out or without my permission, even if they are my parents. I know that it sounds very irrational and unfair since they deserve respect for tolerating with my shit since ‘98 but it is an issue that matters to some of us because we all got our own secrets under our bed, in our system files, in our mobile galleries and in the pages of our personal diaries. Privacy is a joke in our country especially to families because we have all barged into rooms if the doors are closed and the entire house is basically an open space so getting caught while jerking off to porn isn’t very uncommon. Been there too, yeah.
Respecting the feelings of people, considering the fact that they might want to keep their own secrets and also decide when to get out of awkward situations is something that we are not made aware since the early days. To be bluntly honest, we do not consider this important because in our country we have harder issues to deal with. A little family moment of truth hasn’t hurt anybody yet but in some orthodox families, the concept of rooms is just too basic, ‘it’s a part of the house and the house is where you are free to roam’. Consent and permission is trash.
What I am trying to convey is actually just a small picture of a bigger idea. If we get into an awkward situation we have no idea how to back off. We do not understand how much a lone time given to a person going through a hard time in life can help him/her. We do not understand that private lives exist for various people and that there are various ways in which we can interfere with that. We fail to appreciate the value of a person with an introvert lifestyle, we consider it a drag and we try hard to get him out in the open. We do not like people turning us away from conversations, we do not like the whispering people do in our presence, we do not like the world turning away and there is a whole list of other things that we do not understand or decide not to act against only because they disturb us but we also do not see how these little things are someone else’s acts to keep us away from their own personal life.
Hiding my phone from my mother was nothing I considered in my entire life, hell, she never even checked my phone. But it’s her reaction to my discrete personal life that disturbs me a lot and I do not want something like this to ever happen again. My life is nothing interesting if I see it through my perspective but it is definitely ‘only 18+’ when it comes to my mother and hence, there is no way that I can comfortably discuss it with her. Or maybe, just maybe, I do not want to discuss it with her. There is a part of me that wants to keep it a secret. I do not want her to confront me about some decisions that I need to take myself, I do not want her to feel awkward around me or vice versa because of the GoT episodes on my laptop. I know, given that she is my parent, it is very hard to ignore such things and it gives her even more reasons to ground me but it is very unfair.
What I am pleading for (also desperately trying to make a point) is, “please do not barge into rooms without knocking, hideously check phone galleries, chats and diaries”, “to give me some space when I choose to be alone in my room with my books, music and TV shows”, “to not question my social circle when you haven’t met them yet, they are very dear to me”, “to not drag people out when they like it indoors” and not to do anything that might just upset or make things weird between you and another person because you decided to interfere.
Also, cyber extortion counts as breaching privacy, it’s weird and creepy so down vote that sort of activity because it’s so not cool man. Not cool at all.